When I shared an ultrasound image as a ‘baby photo’ it provoked unexpected anger in my new friend. She asked incredulously if I really believed the blur in my print was a baby. I did. Erupting in hurt, my friend walked away from me and then told me that I must consider her to be a ‘baby killer.’ I was silent and puzzled about what to do to.

As this woman moved away from me and my ultrasound picture, another kind friend came toward her. This gentle person sat beside her and told her she was not alone. The two of them spoke quietly for a long while. Graciously God provided a person who could help this young woman process some of the pain she carried.

I knew people had abortions, yet I was surprised to find that the young woman who abruptly left my side was one of them.

Statistics from the US Department of Health and Human Resources say that in 2005 one out of five pregnancies ended in abortion (excluding miscarriages)*. If these numbers are even close to accurate, then most people in the US know a woman who has had an abortion. This painful truth is one that shepherds must be prepared for. A woman grieving this kind of secret shameful loss often stifles her pain. She may believe that communities of faith will not accept her and might even spurn her. Baby showers, birth news and common things like Sunday morning children’s choirs can cause a woman to feel a rejection that pushes her further from healing. The unexpected rebuff isolates a woman who is already deeply hurt.

Believers are often passionately pro-life, but may not be sensitized to the needs of the woman who regrets her decision to abort. When churches stop at anti-abortion and do not move toward reality and forgiveness, the woman suffering with post abortion symptoms is left holding her pain. She may believe that God will refuse to forgive her.

Help is available, resources such as http://www.portlandheart.org/index.htm  (gives a checklist of common symptoms of Post-Abortive Stress) and http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/post-abortion-syndrome.htm  (gives a brief description of common symptoms and guide sufferers toward help). As the church moves to embrace the woman who made the decision to abort, there will be discomfort. This is hard and many people have been hurt—but the process of acknowledging sin and accepting God’s forgiveness will produce great joy. This brings to mind the story from Luke 7. The woman who was forgiven much has a greater depth of devotion to give to her Healer.
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For more specifics on understanding and caring for a post-abortive woman, see “Abortion Recovery” by Mindy Johnson, Chapter11 in Shepherding Women in Pain, Moody Publishers, 2010, p.139 ff.

*http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/Data_Stats/Abortion.htm