Grief is a natural part of life that starts at birth:

• the newborn baby leaves the warm, nurturing environment of his/her mother’s womb
• a child loses the security of home on his/her first day of school
• a pet dies
• Grandma and/or Grandpa die
• a schoolmate dies
• a friend moves away
• high school graduation
• a girl or boyfriend says “goodbye.”

As we grow older we may lose a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a job, or the house. There may be a financial loss or the loss of one’s reputation.

Loss of anything of value causes emotional pain, often with physical symptoms. Grief is a response to that pain. It is the process of putting back together the pieces of a broken heart. It is hard work and often misunderstood.

The following lists a few of the effects.

Physical effects
• exhaustion
• loss of appetite
• sleeping problems
• lack of strength
• weight loss
• headaches
• breathlessness
• palpitations
• weight gain
• aching arms
• restlessness
• blurred vision

Emotional and/or psychological effects
• denial
• guilt
• anger
• resentment
• bitterness
• irritability
• disbelief
• loneliness
• hallucinations
• sighing
• nightmares
• concentration on problems
• failure to accept reality
• preoccupation with the deceased
• times confusion
• memory lapse
• emptiness
• fear
• poor concentration
• crying spells
• sadness
• sense of failure

Social effects
• withdrawal from normal activity
• isolation (emotional and physical) from spouse, family and/or friends

Spiritual effects
• Withdrawal from (or increased) religious activity
• Consolation provided by belief or Scriptures
• Searching for evidence of an after life
• Change in priorities or values
• Seeking meaning in the loss itself
• Wavering of faith
• Examining the meaning of life
• Anger direct at clergy, religion or God
• No longer knowing what one believes
• Feeling like one is not supposed to have fear or feelings of grief if trusting in God

Additional grief effects
• Suicidal thoughts
• Use of medication (sleep and/or nerves)
• Feel protective of others, refraining from talking about the loss
• Assume traits and mannerisms of loved one
• Feel presence of loved one; dream of loved one
• Cry easily and unexpectedly; sometimes sob convulsively
• Feel shortness of breath, heaviness in the chest
• Feel as though the loss never happened; lack a sense of reality
• Feel sense of guilt over things done/said or not done/said in the relationship
• Preoccupation with life of the deceased
• Feel a need to talk a lot about the loved one including events surrounding the death
• Mood changes uncontrollably
• Feel as if “losing one’s mind.”
• Feelings of guilt when healing occurs and grief subsides

Understanding some of the signs and symptoms of grief will enable us to have a better awareness of those experiencing grief. This will likely open the door for effective shepherding.

---by Annette Gildemann, who serves as Chaplain at a medical facility in the Northwest US