I feel as though I’m on an island way out in the ocean and no one knows I’m there. If they knew, they might try to get to me and help. But two things prevent this. Other people don’t/can’t understand the level of pain and loss I’m experiencing so they don’t venture into the water. Or perhaps they don’t know how to swim out to me. And I seem unable to attempt the swim myself.

Perhaps you’ve felt this way, or know of someone who does. Do you know how to swim? Do you know how to navigate toward someone who is feeling isolated and in pain? Perhaps your strength lies in having a delicious meal or warm cup of tea waiting for them. You may own the boat that could be sent out into the ocean, but are not prepared for the conversation that you imagine would ensue.

As the biblical text in Luke 10:25-37 informs us, it likely will take more than one person to minister to someone in pain.

Carol Travilla in her very helpful book, Caring without Wearing, suggests you place a checkmark next to every way you’ve expressed care to another person in the past six months. (You may want to add options to this listing.)

Sending a card
Providing transportation
Caring for a child
Preparing food
Contributing financial help
Furnishing career assistance
Writing a note, text or email
Taking a meal
Giving a hug
Listening actively
Presenting a gift
Shopping for food
Volunteering
Giving a party
Doing manual labor
Sewing
Reading

Holding a hand
Extending hospitality
Making a hospital visit
Social networking
Providing nursing care
Tutoring
Being present
Offering prayer
Cleaning
Discipling
Visiting by Skype
Making phone calls
Visiting a home

Next, complete the following sentence. As a result of doing this exercise, I realize that I usually throw ropes (or swim) to hurting people by …..

Perhaps you are working with a team of care givers. This may be helpful in discerning who is the first to swim to a particular person in need, who are the care givers waiting on the shore, and who will be making connection for the next week, months and possibility year.

Do you know your best shepherding skills? Your weaknesses or areas of limitation? If possible, enlist the support of others to cover areas where you are weak. Granted, there are times when you must simply do what you feel least capable of doing. Yet, long-term, why not give others the opportunity to serve in their areas of strength, along with you?

5. DO know your own limits.
This is the fifth Guideline for Shepherding (in our listing of Do’s and Don’ts) that we’ve been considering. (For the fourth Guideline, see “Know Your Presence Counts” And for more on this, see Shepherding a Woman’s Heart, Chapter 9.) As you identify the shepherding skills you prefer, you are able to determine your own limits.

Early in my ministry experience (before training), I thought I had to do it all. That kept me from taking initiative to reach out to people in pain. And yes, exhaustion seemed to visit me often! Preparing one meal for a family could take me a full day, sometimes two. I watched in wonder as Cindy seemed to simply add more volume to the 1+ hour prep for her own family and deliver the meal in the amount of time it took me to design the menu! I was so glad for Cindy on my care team!

My greatest joy is “being present,” listening, praying and offering expressions of care and consolation. Cindy would be hard-pressed to simply “be present.” But she loved providing practical help for those in need. We also knew Cindy preferred late mornings and late nights. She was available to provide transportation, shop for food, clean or cook late into the evening. The strengths of others on our team complemented our preferences and strengths.

Knowing your own limits increases your joy and energy in ministering to people in pain. Why not work toward having everyone on your care giving team identify her/his area of strength, availability, and thus limits? Surely more ministry could then be offered within healthy limits and thus multiply the joy of both shepherds and care receivers.