THE INVISIBLE PAIN:  Chronic physical pain and disabilities are not always visible

Ev Waldon, R.N., Aging and Disability Services

When I look at the women seated in church or even in my Bible Study group, I often wonder how many are quietly dealing with a chronic condition or disability.  I was sharing this thought with a friend when she made the comment that her severe food allergies probably put her in that category as they daily cause physical, emotional and social problems.  While some allergies are merely an inconvenience, some are life threatening, and definitely life style changing.

This friend is dealing with mainly three intolerances in her diet.  She can have no sugar, no dairy products and no wheat.  Before finding these allergies (which has been over a ten year span), she has spent a lot of money on doctor visits, tests, and medications.  Her job has been in jeopardy due to so much time off for illness.  God has given her an incredible spirit of acceptance, optimism and joy, but she has had moments of discouragement and weariness in dealing with these limitations. She has always had a passion for missions, and still does, but even going on a short term mission trip is too dangerous.

The list of physical symptoms and reactions to these restrictions would fill this page. Most of her body’s systems have been affected.  Not only are the reactions unpleasant, there has been a lot of pain and residual damage to various organs and functions.

These diet restrictions definitely affect her social life.  Eating out is a major hassle.  There are limited restaurants that can be trusted with these restrictions.  (If a grill, pan or spatula has a trace of dairy on it, she will end up in ER with dehydration from severe vomiting and diarrhea).  Potlucks, church events, and eating at family and friends require that she bring all her own food. 

When asked for any helpful considerations for coming along side someone who is dealing with food allergies, she mentioned a few things. 

1. If you’re not real familiar and competent to cook for the restricted diet, don’t try.  She has had people claim to fix something for her, but has to be suspicious and investigate every ingredient used.  Most often, she can not eat it and then feels bad as this friend has worked hard to prepare it. 

2. Just acknowledge the dietary hassle that allergies present and extend words of encouragement. These are so appreciated.  We take eating for granted (!?!?!) but for her, she has to have complete control over everything she eats.  Food and eating require constant forethought and much energy, all day, every day.  

3. If someone doesn’t follow through with a commitment, don’t automatically label them as inconsistent or flaky.  This friend is a very gifted and capable leader, but has had to curtail her involvements. She always has a back up plan in case she has a reaction to eating something she shouldn’t eat.  At times, she has felt that she is a disappointment to people and to God.

There are many cases of pain and disabilities in the lives of women we know.  This is just another reminder that some are not obviously visible or acknowledged.  Expressing genuine interest and concern may be all that we can contribute, but that is a wonderful gift to give.

 To read more, see Chapter 9, “Physical Disabilities, Chronic Pain and the Aging Process” in the book Shepherding Women in Pain by Ev Waldon. See also Resources